By McB

When Doctor Carter showed Daniel Levitt an MRI scan of his brain, he pointed to a dark spot the size of a dime in his hippocampus.

“This is where it’s happening. This is where the positive associative memories of childhood are rapidly atrophying.”

Daniel Levitt first noticed symptoms of impairment after seeing Jurassic World in theaters. Maintaining a rigorous optimism through the lead up to the film’s release, Daniel couldn’t help but feel dubious given his cherished memories of the original Jurassic park.

When Daniel walked out of the theater, filled with gnawing disappointment , he sensed a change in himself physically:

“I’m not sure how to put it, but it was like some load bearing aspect of my soul had been toppled and I would never get it back. Later on I realized I couldn’t recall anything from my first year of elementary school, the same year Jurassic Park released. It was as if all the cherished memories from that time period had been stolen.”

“In a sense he’s correct, “ said Dr. Carter over a long-distance phone call. “A full third of his hippocampus has completely atrophied due to the trauma caused by the focused butchering of precious childhood symbols.”

Daniel Levitt did not think to visit a doctor until after he witnessed Terminator: Genisys and noticed that even his earlier childhood years were becoming a blank, as if sucked out of his brain by some malicious vacuum machine.

“The poor acting and convoluted narrative of Terminator: Genisys had done a number on Daniel’s brain,” says Dr. Carter. “ The strong and revered memories of childhood that had been solidified by the simple  and inspired setting of the original Terminator film had been completely unraveled.”

As a result of this, Daniel forgot the names and faces of many of his childhood friends, some of whom he role-played with as characters from his favorite movies.

Dr. Carter has warned Daniel about watching anymore movie remakes, reboots, or reimaginings,  lest the damage become too generalized, making physical recovery impossible. This has been difficult for Daniel, since films have served as a lifelong passion for him.

“The doctor warned me against watching the new ghostbusters trailer, but curiosity got the better of me,” says Daniel.  “I was out of work for several days, too weak to move.”

Daniel’s girlfriend, Anna, hates seeing him in this condition. She’s been vocal in protesting many of the new film reboots coming out of Hollywood, trying to raise awareness of the mental and physical damage caused by these studios, likening them to tobacco companies in their total disregard for public health and safety.

Physical therapy hasn’t stopped the damage, but it’s certainly helped in slowing it down says Dr. Carter:

“We’ve been regularly introducing him to newer original films to reinvigorate some of the inactive neural networks and create new positive structures in his brain. We’ve also been working to help David rationalize the existence of these classic remakes, to show that he does not have to fear them or completely reanalyze his relationship with the original property, but this has been the most difficult part of the therapy process.”

Though Daniel fears what the future might bring, he recognizes he’s not the only person to be afflicted by this ongoing pandemic of nostalgic eradication:

“There are other victims out there, and I want them to know that this war on childhood is not fought alone. Stay strong. Even when we’ve lost our sense of identity, we can keep strong.”

Update:

Daniel Levitt was recently found unconscious in his study after hearing the rumblings of a new Back to the Future reboot. He is currently recovering at his local hospital.

 

 

McB would never call himself a writer since the majority of his work is borrowed from other more successful blogs, but he does have an occasional original thought which is then suppressed and lost forever due to alcohol dependency. He once caught a fly ball at an Atlanta Braves game.